It is 9:30 p.m. Sunday evening and I have settled down. I'll be sleeping in a sitted position for a few nights at least. The abdominal muscles now have a nice clean incision sweeping down vertically and these are the guys I counted on to help me get up early-on after the heart surgery. They are out-of-service for the next several weeks.
I am tired, so tonight's message will not be as witty and as long as I intended. I now think this recovery will not be as difficult or as painful as I expressed last week. We are experts at "pain management", or think we are, and maintaining the scheduled flow of the two little capsules seems to keep me in a tolerable comfort zone. I look forward to a decent night's sleep, though the medication induces weird little dream images that startle me awake.
Ooops!....I just drifted off....... so I will say goodnight with the promise of taking up "pen and paper" tomorrow.
Stephen
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Going Home..........
I thought it a good idea to let everyone know that I am going home this early Sunday afternoon, and to express my thanks to all who have followed me on this blog, and to all who have prayed for or shown their support for a pilgrim that set out on a journey many weeks ago. That journey is still far from finished, indeed, I don't think it ever is completed.
I can never express in words my appreciation and love for my Sue, and for the devotion she has shown to me and my recovery. This has been no joy for her. She has ridden every foot of the way and endured every hour of each day of this journey. I have seen the fatigue in her face and the resolve in her manner. She has put up with things she has an extreme distaste for. We have grown together....kind of like soldiers in the
front line trenches of a very personal war.
I'll write more later today, after settling in at home and visiting Mom.
Stephen
I can never express in words my appreciation and love for my Sue, and for the devotion she has shown to me and my recovery. This has been no joy for her. She has ridden every foot of the way and endured every hour of each day of this journey. I have seen the fatigue in her face and the resolve in her manner. She has put up with things she has an extreme distaste for. We have grown together....kind of like soldiers in the
front line trenches of a very personal war.
I'll write more later today, after settling in at home and visiting Mom.
Stephen
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Post Op Reflections
Bringing everyone up to date!
Tumor contained, no visible spread to any other tissues, Steve tolerated the surgery very well despite triple by-pass 6 weeks ago and we are looking at discharge Sunday. The staff here is impressed with Steve's story but ,then, in their business they often hear of "amazing stories". No word yet on the pathology regarding the tissues removed but we do know that the primary tumor was a carcinoid and that it was malignant because they biopsied it during surgery. With the tissue removed, however, and no spread this becomes a case where there will be screenings but no chemotherapy. We will not know for sure until the final pathology comes back next week, but everyone involved with case is encouraged. Carcinoids are weird and rare and very slow growing and do not respond to chemo which is used for fast multiplying cells. It seems if you are going to "get a cancer" this is the type to have. As if anyone would intentionally pick one....
As I share this experience with all of you, I am struck by how time "stands still" when you are removed from your normal schedule and routines, especially in a crisis. This is the start of Day 5! I can hardly believe it! And yet, everything has a different light to it now that prayers have been answered and the prognosis is positive.
Words fail in trying to describe all the levels of discovery and love and grace and community that these days have created. Know this. Prayer works; lots and lots of prayers from all over the neighborhood, city, country and world. Never be afraid to ask everyone you know to pray; and pray hard. God listens. At the very least you become aware that you are never, ever alone! You gain strength and hope and peace from all the support.
Peace and love,
Sue
Tumor contained, no visible spread to any other tissues, Steve tolerated the surgery very well despite triple by-pass 6 weeks ago and we are looking at discharge Sunday. The staff here is impressed with Steve's story but ,then, in their business they often hear of "amazing stories". No word yet on the pathology regarding the tissues removed but we do know that the primary tumor was a carcinoid and that it was malignant because they biopsied it during surgery. With the tissue removed, however, and no spread this becomes a case where there will be screenings but no chemotherapy. We will not know for sure until the final pathology comes back next week, but everyone involved with case is encouraged. Carcinoids are weird and rare and very slow growing and do not respond to chemo which is used for fast multiplying cells. It seems if you are going to "get a cancer" this is the type to have. As if anyone would intentionally pick one....
As I share this experience with all of you, I am struck by how time "stands still" when you are removed from your normal schedule and routines, especially in a crisis. This is the start of Day 5! I can hardly believe it! And yet, everything has a different light to it now that prayers have been answered and the prognosis is positive.
Words fail in trying to describe all the levels of discovery and love and grace and community that these days have created. Know this. Prayer works; lots and lots of prayers from all over the neighborhood, city, country and world. Never be afraid to ask everyone you know to pray; and pray hard. God listens. At the very least you become aware that you are never, ever alone! You gain strength and hope and peace from all the support.
Peace and love,
Sue
Monday, May 23, 2011
The Day Before and Some Thoughts
Tuesday's surgery has been put back to 9:00 a.m., give or take fifteen minutes. At least I will not have to get up as early as originally scheduled.
I am "prepping" for tomorrow right now. This consists primarily of sitting around waiting for the purgative to work its wonders on my alimentary canal. None of this is pleasant. It is tiring and I would rather be doing something else. I cannot eat any solid food since last night and nothing can pass my lips after midnight tonight.
I went into my heart surgery with a great degree of detachment. I have different feelings about tomorrow.
When I awoke in ICU almost six weeks ago I knew the surgery was successful...I was alive.
Tomorrow, when I awake, I'll not know the full results or success of the surgery until the doctor tells me what was found in my abdomen. And then, there might be a need for continued treatment of some kind.
I liken this all to the opening of Pandora's Box.
Sue and I will stay in a hotel tonight, just a block from the hospital. We can avoid the maddening traffic in the morning that way, and with the setback in time we will experience less stress "checking in".
I know that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people keeping me in their prayers. I am quite famous it seems......it must be my flamboyant personality and liquid blue eyes.
I cannot express in words how much these prayers mean to me..........keep me in your thoughts Tuesday morning. It fortifies me.
Thank You,
Stephen
I am "prepping" for tomorrow right now. This consists primarily of sitting around waiting for the purgative to work its wonders on my alimentary canal. None of this is pleasant. It is tiring and I would rather be doing something else. I cannot eat any solid food since last night and nothing can pass my lips after midnight tonight.
I went into my heart surgery with a great degree of detachment. I have different feelings about tomorrow.
When I awoke in ICU almost six weeks ago I knew the surgery was successful...I was alive.
Tomorrow, when I awake, I'll not know the full results or success of the surgery until the doctor tells me what was found in my abdomen. And then, there might be a need for continued treatment of some kind.
I liken this all to the opening of Pandora's Box.
Sue and I will stay in a hotel tonight, just a block from the hospital. We can avoid the maddening traffic in the morning that way, and with the setback in time we will experience less stress "checking in".
I know that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people keeping me in their prayers. I am quite famous it seems......it must be my flamboyant personality and liquid blue eyes.
I cannot express in words how much these prayers mean to me..........keep me in your thoughts Tuesday morning. It fortifies me.
Thank You,
Stephen
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Gazing Upward....Left Behind
I awoke this morning to find myself still in bed. I confess I wasn't really surprised. I could hear Sue in the kitchen and the wonderful smell of fresh-brewed coffee wafted into the bedroom....so she was still in the house. A little later I checked the "cottage"...our separate little guestroom in the yard...and saw that Kevin was apparently still asleep. I knew he was in the cottage because he had left his Van's on the front steps for some reason. If he had left, I am sure he would have slipped them on before departing. I'll have to warn him about the coyotes that use the yard as access to the neighborhood cats and feed bowls. Coyotes are not averse to picking up the decomposing carcass of some dead animal as a snack. Kevin's shoes might be mistaken for such. That reminds me of the "gagging coyote", but that is a different story.
I ventured out to the front drive, with some trepidation, to see if all appeared normal in the neighborhood. I am not sure what "normal" is, but all seemed as usual. On the other hand, nothing ever happens out there anyway, so how could one tell if all the neighbors were still in their homes.
I did gaze upward and saw nothing amiss....just gray overcast and a few jets heading West to LAX. They weren't in a power-dive, so the pilots must have been at the controls. I could hear the traffic on Colima, a sure indication that others were up and tending to chores and weekend business. No sounds of screeching tires and crunching metal rended the morning calm....however, that is all too common as motorists descend
from the heights and enter "Dead-Man's Curve".....but it was comforting to note that not a single collision was heard while I was standing out there looking for evidence of the "Rapture". Everything seemed in its place.
So when was this event supposed to happen? I found out that the initial rising to the heavens was supposed to start in New Zealand and then roll west across the globe like some great atmospheric tsunami. One believer felt that the West Coast of California would be "hit" around 6:00 p.m. PDT. That is a little over eight hours from this writing. There is time to take a shower and shave and select a wardrobe. I think I will dress up and splash some cologne on my neck...not much, just enough to attract women and get that seductive
glance that all men hope for. I don't know whether to plan something for the evening or sit and watch Anderson Cooper earnestly grill his panel of "experts" with his typical leading questions and inane speculations. What a goof! (Sorry if I offend someone). I am sure CNN will have camera crews stationed
in all the Christian nations with the directive to be on the lookout for "floaters". Maybe Anderson will arrange for some giant fan to blow gale force winds so he can lean "against the wind" as he brings us updates with that serious countenance of his. I would like to be the stagehand that throws debris into the airstream.....special effects, you know.....like maybe sand or broken glass or small pieces of 2x4's...studded with nails for good effect.
Will I and my loved ones be left behind, gazing upwards as "floaters" ascend into the sky? I have a surgery appointment this Tuesday and I don't want to miss that....so I find myself in a real dilemma. On the other hand, it may be presumptuous on my part to even think I may be worthy of ascension. The "left behind" are to suffer the "end time" miseries as the world descends into chaos and strife....as if it isn't bad enough right now. So maybe it is my fate to be clumped together with all the "bad" Christians, the Jews, the Muslims, and whatever other flavors of faith exists on the face of the earth.
In all the representations of the "Rapture" one sees "floaters" rising to the heavens dressed in everyday clothes.......or sometimes "toga-like" coverings. I certainly hope that modesty is taken into consideration as it will be possible for the "left-behind" to gaze "upskirt" for the first fifty feet of ascension.
We'll see who has the last laugh today.
Stephen
I ventured out to the front drive, with some trepidation, to see if all appeared normal in the neighborhood. I am not sure what "normal" is, but all seemed as usual. On the other hand, nothing ever happens out there anyway, so how could one tell if all the neighbors were still in their homes.
I did gaze upward and saw nothing amiss....just gray overcast and a few jets heading West to LAX. They weren't in a power-dive, so the pilots must have been at the controls. I could hear the traffic on Colima, a sure indication that others were up and tending to chores and weekend business. No sounds of screeching tires and crunching metal rended the morning calm....however, that is all too common as motorists descend
from the heights and enter "Dead-Man's Curve".....but it was comforting to note that not a single collision was heard while I was standing out there looking for evidence of the "Rapture". Everything seemed in its place.
So when was this event supposed to happen? I found out that the initial rising to the heavens was supposed to start in New Zealand and then roll west across the globe like some great atmospheric tsunami. One believer felt that the West Coast of California would be "hit" around 6:00 p.m. PDT. That is a little over eight hours from this writing. There is time to take a shower and shave and select a wardrobe. I think I will dress up and splash some cologne on my neck...not much, just enough to attract women and get that seductive
glance that all men hope for. I don't know whether to plan something for the evening or sit and watch Anderson Cooper earnestly grill his panel of "experts" with his typical leading questions and inane speculations. What a goof! (Sorry if I offend someone). I am sure CNN will have camera crews stationed
in all the Christian nations with the directive to be on the lookout for "floaters". Maybe Anderson will arrange for some giant fan to blow gale force winds so he can lean "against the wind" as he brings us updates with that serious countenance of his. I would like to be the stagehand that throws debris into the airstream.....special effects, you know.....like maybe sand or broken glass or small pieces of 2x4's...studded with nails for good effect.
Will I and my loved ones be left behind, gazing upwards as "floaters" ascend into the sky? I have a surgery appointment this Tuesday and I don't want to miss that....so I find myself in a real dilemma. On the other hand, it may be presumptuous on my part to even think I may be worthy of ascension. The "left behind" are to suffer the "end time" miseries as the world descends into chaos and strife....as if it isn't bad enough right now. So maybe it is my fate to be clumped together with all the "bad" Christians, the Jews, the Muslims, and whatever other flavors of faith exists on the face of the earth.
In all the representations of the "Rapture" one sees "floaters" rising to the heavens dressed in everyday clothes.......or sometimes "toga-like" coverings. I certainly hope that modesty is taken into consideration as it will be possible for the "left-behind" to gaze "upskirt" for the first fifty feet of ascension.
We'll see who has the last laugh today.
Stephen
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Update from Cedars-Sinai
Sue and I met with Dr. Amersi, the surgeon who will remove the carcinoid tumor, yesterday afternoon at Cedars-Sinai. The surgery is set for this coming Tuesday, May 24th, early in the morning. Dr. Amersi was very straightforward in her accounting of the situation. The fact that it will be just under six weeks since my heart surgery requires that the surgical team "gets me off the table" as quickly as possible. Therefore, no lapriscopic procedure, which is considered stressful, but rather an open incision which allows for quick observation, analysis and removal of the tumor. She expects to remove a section of small bowel...how much is not known. Indeed, until she and her crew get into my abdominal cavity, there is no predicting what they will find. Hopefully, this will be a fairly straightforward affair and I can go about my recovery, which is longer
than the recovery from a lapriscopic procedure.
Admittedly, our talk with her was sobering. But after taking it all in, I find her logic unassailable. It all makes sense....
The unknown is what is scary.....isn't it always? What will they find? ......???????
Today marks the fifth week since my heart surgery.......and I feel quite good. My stamina still is not pre-surgery and the cold weather leaves me shivering uncontrollably sometimes......and I am a cold weather type of guy. I didn't have that issue in Tucson.
I know that many are praying for me and that means so much. Some lyrics from one of my favorite songs:
A long, long road, it lies before me
And fate will take me where it will
But through the valleys and over mountains
I'll not forget, but remember you still
Stephen
than the recovery from a lapriscopic procedure.
Admittedly, our talk with her was sobering. But after taking it all in, I find her logic unassailable. It all makes sense....
The unknown is what is scary.....isn't it always? What will they find? ......???????
Today marks the fifth week since my heart surgery.......and I feel quite good. My stamina still is not pre-surgery and the cold weather leaves me shivering uncontrollably sometimes......and I am a cold weather type of guy. I didn't have that issue in Tucson.
I know that many are praying for me and that means so much. Some lyrics from one of my favorite songs:
A long, long road, it lies before me
And fate will take me where it will
But through the valleys and over mountains
I'll not forget, but remember you still
Stephen
Monday, May 16, 2011
Tucson.."And Hell's Coming With Me!!"
That happens to be my favorite line from the Kurt Russell/Wyatt Earp movie "Tucson". It has some relevance to the general condition of the desert that stretches for hundreds of miles in every direction from California to only God knows where. The word "sere" kept coming to mind as I gazed out of the window of our Explorer. Look it up in the dictionary. Apparently, none of the rains that drenched the West coast made it over the mountains. If they did, then the desert "spring" was shortlived, for everything was brown, black and withered.
Love of the desert has to be an acquired liking. I can look at the barren landscape and find a clinical interest in it, but it doesn't touch my soul. But there is a certain existential challenge out there. One can find it in the place names that mark washes, ravines and roads. Where else can you find names like "Sore Finger Road",
or various bone-dry "ditches" tagged with names like "Ghost Ditch", or "Rubble Ditch", or "Tarantula Ditch",
or "Aztec Ditch"? I noticed that the signs marking these desert washes were not being replaced as new guardrails and barriers were installed by CalTrans......too bad.
Some observations:
The concrete dinosaurs are still visible in Cabazon....we took the boys there many years ago and actually went into the gut of the brontosaurus where a giftshop had been installed. Everything "dinosaur" available from China was arrayed on counters and shelves. Those concrete sculptures are true landmarks, now obscured by gas stations and mini-marts....no doubt owned by the Morongo Indian tribe.
Hadley Date Shakes......The old Hadley Date Shack is still there in Cabazon. I always liked date shakes, but the date bits would block the straw from time to time. In "the old days", the Hadley store stood alone and you could see the dinosaurs from the parking lot. Now there is a huge "outlet" mall on one side, and the Morongo casino and gas station and mini-mart, and convention center, and whatever else the tribe has erected with its gambling proceeds, dominates the whole pass. What a racket.....
Wind Turbines.......gazillions of these eyesores dominate the pass from Banning to Palm Springs and beyond.
I was reminded of "Aliens on Earth". The winds were ferocious when we came back through the pass and most of the turbines were spinning and producing current. Of all the "green" sources of energy, these have to be the ugliest and most disruptive to the landscape.
Quartzsite, Az.......I hope I don't offend anyone, but this "town" in Arizona has got to possess the largest population of "desert rats" in the nation. A "desert rat", by my definition, is a human being that has settled in the middle of nowhere, in the most desolate of surroundings, for eccentric reasons and the desire to "live cheap" while pursuing that eccentric lifestyle. I imagine most of these people are "salt of the earth" types of limited means. I also think a healthy portion of the desert rat population believes in alien abduction and a long list of conspiracy theories. In Quartzsite they all live in trailers...thousands of trailers. I was stunned at the number that I could see from the freeway....acres and acres covered by trailers. And that is what I could see with my eyes....who knows what lay beyond the hills.
Tucson, Az......I like this town, or most of it, anyway. I like the desert it is located in. Tucson is the site of the University of Arizona, home of the Wildcats and Kevin Hamrock's Alma Mater after five years of matriculation in the College of Fine Arts.
The only reason for this particular blog entry and our trip to Tucson was Kevin's graduation. I realize I have backed into this subject in an odd way.....
I am proud of Kevin for his achievement and proud of him as a young man. I know he wants to enter mainstream society as a productive and contributing member. He is one of the most sincere people I know.
He is searching for his "place" in the world. He is creative and artistic and willing to work hard.
A good number of family members showed up in Tucson for this graduation weekend. I'll just say that "What happens in Tucson, stays in Tucson!" We all had a good time eating and drinking (well, I don't drink...I just observe). The ceremony was over-long, but then I did enjoy seeing the young graduates....a very smart and creative group. Oh, to be young again.
Kevin will be home in the next day or two and looking to get on with his life. I think he intends to help Sue with my post-op recovery from the tumor surgery. His mother has been an angel in tending to my needs for the last four weeks. At this point in time I am about 90% self-sufficient.
I understand another full-moon will be visible in the next night or two. I have always noted this event on a personal level. Its light shines down on all of us and our memories.
Steve
Love of the desert has to be an acquired liking. I can look at the barren landscape and find a clinical interest in it, but it doesn't touch my soul. But there is a certain existential challenge out there. One can find it in the place names that mark washes, ravines and roads. Where else can you find names like "Sore Finger Road",
or various bone-dry "ditches" tagged with names like "Ghost Ditch", or "Rubble Ditch", or "Tarantula Ditch",
or "Aztec Ditch"? I noticed that the signs marking these desert washes were not being replaced as new guardrails and barriers were installed by CalTrans......too bad.
Some observations:
The concrete dinosaurs are still visible in Cabazon....we took the boys there many years ago and actually went into the gut of the brontosaurus where a giftshop had been installed. Everything "dinosaur" available from China was arrayed on counters and shelves. Those concrete sculptures are true landmarks, now obscured by gas stations and mini-marts....no doubt owned by the Morongo Indian tribe.
Hadley Date Shakes......The old Hadley Date Shack is still there in Cabazon. I always liked date shakes, but the date bits would block the straw from time to time. In "the old days", the Hadley store stood alone and you could see the dinosaurs from the parking lot. Now there is a huge "outlet" mall on one side, and the Morongo casino and gas station and mini-mart, and convention center, and whatever else the tribe has erected with its gambling proceeds, dominates the whole pass. What a racket.....
Wind Turbines.......gazillions of these eyesores dominate the pass from Banning to Palm Springs and beyond.
I was reminded of "Aliens on Earth". The winds were ferocious when we came back through the pass and most of the turbines were spinning and producing current. Of all the "green" sources of energy, these have to be the ugliest and most disruptive to the landscape.
Quartzsite, Az.......I hope I don't offend anyone, but this "town" in Arizona has got to possess the largest population of "desert rats" in the nation. A "desert rat", by my definition, is a human being that has settled in the middle of nowhere, in the most desolate of surroundings, for eccentric reasons and the desire to "live cheap" while pursuing that eccentric lifestyle. I imagine most of these people are "salt of the earth" types of limited means. I also think a healthy portion of the desert rat population believes in alien abduction and a long list of conspiracy theories. In Quartzsite they all live in trailers...thousands of trailers. I was stunned at the number that I could see from the freeway....acres and acres covered by trailers. And that is what I could see with my eyes....who knows what lay beyond the hills.
Tucson, Az......I like this town, or most of it, anyway. I like the desert it is located in. Tucson is the site of the University of Arizona, home of the Wildcats and Kevin Hamrock's Alma Mater after five years of matriculation in the College of Fine Arts.
The only reason for this particular blog entry and our trip to Tucson was Kevin's graduation. I realize I have backed into this subject in an odd way.....
I am proud of Kevin for his achievement and proud of him as a young man. I know he wants to enter mainstream society as a productive and contributing member. He is one of the most sincere people I know.
He is searching for his "place" in the world. He is creative and artistic and willing to work hard.
A good number of family members showed up in Tucson for this graduation weekend. I'll just say that "What happens in Tucson, stays in Tucson!" We all had a good time eating and drinking (well, I don't drink...I just observe). The ceremony was over-long, but then I did enjoy seeing the young graduates....a very smart and creative group. Oh, to be young again.
Kevin will be home in the next day or two and looking to get on with his life. I think he intends to help Sue with my post-op recovery from the tumor surgery. His mother has been an angel in tending to my needs for the last four weeks. At this point in time I am about 90% self-sufficient.
I understand another full-moon will be visible in the next night or two. I have always noted this event on a personal level. Its light shines down on all of us and our memories.
Steve
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Four Weeks and the "Next Ridge"
The 12th marks the fourth week since the heart bypass surgery. I am feeling quite well....I even went to the office for about four hours this afternoon (the 11th) to help with a complicated quote. I "dressed up" in nice clothes so I would not look like some invalid. Everyone said I looked better than last Friday and I would have to agree. That endoscopy kicked me in the rear-end...no pun intended...because of the anesthetic. I was out for about three hours and it took me about two hours to come out of it. In retrospect, I was roadkill again, and didn't really regain my senses until this last weekend.
I have lost most of the water weight retained after the heart surgery....about fifteeen pounds...and am now weighing in at 208 pounds. My goal is 200 pounds.
I once read the personal account of a mountain climber who spent days climbing a difficult mountain...maybe Everest. In the rarefied air he became disoriented as to what stage of the climb he was on. He struggled up a steep face thinking he was approaching the top of the mountain. When he finally clambered to the top of that steep face, he was taken aback to see another steeper ridge looming above in the swirling snow and sunlight.
I think I know how he felt. When I begin to feel a bit smug about my recovery from the bypass surgery, I realize that in several weeks I will submit myself to another Doctor to remove the tumor. I will have another multi-week recovery period....perhaps I will be up and about and fully recovered by mid-July. Who knows.
In the meantime I walk the estate, tend to my body....I don't need a nurse in the shower any longer....and heal.
Apparently there are hundreds of people praying for me and that is comforting
We are driving to Tucson Thursday morning to attend Kevin's graduation ceremony on Saturday. Thank God his section will be housed in an airconditioned hall. We should have fun.
Steve
I have lost most of the water weight retained after the heart surgery....about fifteeen pounds...and am now weighing in at 208 pounds. My goal is 200 pounds.
I once read the personal account of a mountain climber who spent days climbing a difficult mountain...maybe Everest. In the rarefied air he became disoriented as to what stage of the climb he was on. He struggled up a steep face thinking he was approaching the top of the mountain. When he finally clambered to the top of that steep face, he was taken aback to see another steeper ridge looming above in the swirling snow and sunlight.
I think I know how he felt. When I begin to feel a bit smug about my recovery from the bypass surgery, I realize that in several weeks I will submit myself to another Doctor to remove the tumor. I will have another multi-week recovery period....perhaps I will be up and about and fully recovered by mid-July. Who knows.
In the meantime I walk the estate, tend to my body....I don't need a nurse in the shower any longer....and heal.
Apparently there are hundreds of people praying for me and that is comforting
We are driving to Tucson Thursday morning to attend Kevin's graduation ceremony on Saturday. Thank God his section will be housed in an airconditioned hall. We should have fun.
Steve
Friday, May 6, 2011
The Factory.....
Sue drove me to the "Factory" this morning. It was good to see all the familiar faces after almost four weeks away from a place I have spent the last thirty-five years of my life. That is a long time.......The visit was good for my spirit. I went away somewhat tired from all the visiting and consulting, but it was worth it. The company has an excellent crew of talented and dedicated men and women.
I was able to compare experiences with a fellow by-pass surgery veteran and was surprised we had the same surgeon....Tovar. I was pleased to see how minimal John's incision scar was, knowing mine would look similar. We are members of an exclusive club.
I want to encourage the awareness that we are all part of a community of people....somehow fated to be working together under one roof...interacting for the common good. I think this is the most important thing to which I can devote my energies upon my return. This is the path that I see opening up for me.
Steve
I was able to compare experiences with a fellow by-pass surgery veteran and was surprised we had the same surgeon....Tovar. I was pleased to see how minimal John's incision scar was, knowing mine would look similar. We are members of an exclusive club.
I want to encourage the awareness that we are all part of a community of people....somehow fated to be working together under one roof...interacting for the common good. I think this is the most important thing to which I can devote my energies upon my return. This is the path that I see opening up for me.
Steve
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Three Weeks....
Today marks the third week since my heart surgery. I think the procedure was just being wrapped up at this hour twenty-one days ago. I wouldn't be conscious for hours. It would be dark outside when I did come out of the fog of anesthesia. It's all a blur now...just vignettes stand out now. Today is a pretty good day, just a little pain in my chest. I haven't taken any Tylenol for several days now.
I confirmed the count of 95 trees this morning....sequoias, sycamores, liquid ambers, birch, japanese maples, and oaks. I expect a bumper crop of acorns this fall, which means squirrels and jays will be dropping by.
The butterfly census includes: Mourning Cloaks, Tiger Swallowtails, Fritillaries, a Sara Orangetip (a rare sighting), and the ubiquitous "Cabbage" butterfly.....all white with a black spot on each wing.
A pair of Wren-like birds have occupied a birdhouse I hung from a branch last fall. There is a nest in the house and I see the nervous little birds flying back and forth with some insect in their beaks.
The hummingbird population is booming. These busy little creatures buzz around collecting nectar, insects and cobwebs for their nests. I often see one just outside my window. Have you ever watched a hummingbird hover over a bush or treebranch and been amazed that the downdraft from their wings disturbs the vegetation? This from a creature that cannot be felt in the hand because they are so light.
I intend to visit the factory Friday and give my regards to all. I just don't want to be asked about leadtimes.
I do miss the place and all the buzz involved in getting work out the door. I do know I cannot go back to the routine that entangled me in the past. I want to be a mentor and develop leadership skills.
That is all for now......
Steve
I confirmed the count of 95 trees this morning....sequoias, sycamores, liquid ambers, birch, japanese maples, and oaks. I expect a bumper crop of acorns this fall, which means squirrels and jays will be dropping by.
The butterfly census includes: Mourning Cloaks, Tiger Swallowtails, Fritillaries, a Sara Orangetip (a rare sighting), and the ubiquitous "Cabbage" butterfly.....all white with a black spot on each wing.
A pair of Wren-like birds have occupied a birdhouse I hung from a branch last fall. There is a nest in the house and I see the nervous little birds flying back and forth with some insect in their beaks.
The hummingbird population is booming. These busy little creatures buzz around collecting nectar, insects and cobwebs for their nests. I often see one just outside my window. Have you ever watched a hummingbird hover over a bush or treebranch and been amazed that the downdraft from their wings disturbs the vegetation? This from a creature that cannot be felt in the hand because they are so light.
I intend to visit the factory Friday and give my regards to all. I just don't want to be asked about leadtimes.
I do miss the place and all the buzz involved in getting work out the door. I do know I cannot go back to the routine that entangled me in the past. I want to be a mentor and develop leadership skills.
That is all for now......
Steve
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
My First Shower
I want to share a humorous story before I forget it:
Prior to release from the hospital I was told I would be shown how to shower my body. Of course, this instruction was to be given by a nurse. After giving it some thought I came to the conclusion that such instruction could only be done with the nurse in the shower with me....so I began to ponder what she would wear..... A raincoat?....... A bathing suit? (and what kind?)....... How could she show me how to shower without getting wet? Or was getting wet part of the experience?
Well...one doesn't think straight after five hours or more under anesthesia just a few days before.
To my relief and slight disappointment, the nurse did not get into the shower with me. Verbal instructions were enough. Besides, Sue was standing there and I don't think she would have allowed any hanky-panky.
Steve
Prior to release from the hospital I was told I would be shown how to shower my body. Of course, this instruction was to be given by a nurse. After giving it some thought I came to the conclusion that such instruction could only be done with the nurse in the shower with me....so I began to ponder what she would wear..... A raincoat?....... A bathing suit? (and what kind?)....... How could she show me how to shower without getting wet? Or was getting wet part of the experience?
Well...one doesn't think straight after five hours or more under anesthesia just a few days before.
To my relief and slight disappointment, the nurse did not get into the shower with me. Verbal instructions were enough. Besides, Sue was standing there and I don't think she would have allowed any hanky-panky.
Steve
Updates and Observations.....
The days pass by.
I last wrote May 1st, which seems like yesterday as I sit here and compose this newest blog (or is it "message"). Anyway, I felt great for much of Monday. In the afternoon I began the "prep" for Tuesday's "DBE" (double baloon endoscopy). The "prep" consists solely of complete fasting and the consumption of the foulest potion devised legally by the medical establishment. Trade named "MoviPrep", the dissolved salts and powders are designed to clean out the intestinal tract so that the doctors can observe the inner environs of one's bowels. I was required to drink one gallon of the stuff 8 oz. at a time in fifteen to twenty minute intervals. This probably doesn't sound bad to the uninitiated, but after the fifth cup I was gagging at the THOUGHT of drinking the next round. There is no way to cheat. On top of the MoviPrep, I was required to drink an additional quart of plain water to facilitate the desired "action", which began about midway through the session. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say it is uncontrollable. It is an unpleasant experience overall and I found myself very tired and wanting to curl up into a ball. I think some of the residual anesthetic from the operation kicked in as well and contributed to my exhaustion and "down" feeling. I am told that the anesthetic can take as long as six weeks to be purged from the body.
I was not allowed to drink water after that midnight. The sounds emanating from my stomach that night should have been recorded. I imagined the poor souls in hell could not have bettered the groans and moans I heard coming from my interior regions. With some editing, that recording could have been a bestseller as a Halloween party soundtrack.....imagine... scaring little kids as they came up to the darkened porch.
I looked forward to Tuesday morning with a good bit of trepidation. It had been only 18 days since my bypass surgery and did the people at Cedars really understand that? I kept noting the fact to one-and-all as I registered and proceeded to the "Prep Room". All they had to say was "Really?You look great"...which was kind of frustrating because I secretly hoped that someone would say..."Oh, there is some mistake here!"
The Prep-Room was a beehive of activity with nurses and aids seeming to compete for the patients. One came up and introduced himself as my nurse.....Achilles was his name...I asked him if he had ever been to Paris....he didn't get it. I never saw him again, as was the same for two other nurses who came up earnestly and introduced themselves. Patients were constantly being wheeled out of the room on beds. I don't know why, but I conjured this image of the demanding maws of 16" battleship guns being fed by ramming patients into their breeches as cannon fodder for the rooms down the hall.
I finally met the Doctor and the Anesthesiologist and discussed the procedure. In short order I was wheeled down the hall and transferred to the procedure bed where I was positioned to facilitate the doctor's access to my back end. The next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room. The Anesthesiologist never let me know he was introducing the juice into my vein. Though in a fog, I recognized Sue sitting next to the bed, on-guard as ever. What a saint. To make a long story short I recovered my senses enough to finally go home after eight hours. I was exhausted, my throat and nose hurt from the various hoses that had been inserted through them, and my rear end was very sore.
A "Double-Baloon Endoscopy" utilizes a device designed to probe deep into the intestinal tract. There are two "baloons", one at the front and one in the rear, that help to expand the intestine so that the scope can be pushed further and further as the thing is worked deeper into the tract. The goal of this procedure was to locate the tumor in my abdomen, take a biopsy, and "mark" it for future identification by a surgeon.
Unfortunately, this goal was not achieved because the device could not be pushed beyond a certain point. The Doctor felt the inelasticity of the intestine was due to the tumor gripping the outside wall and securing it to the mesentery. In essence he had reached a dead-end. All he could do is mark that point for future reference by the surgeon. The good news is he did not find any evidence of other tumors or polyps in the stretch he examined. We were disappointed that the goal of the procedure could not be achieved.
The next step is scheduling surgery. That could come as early as the last week in May. Needless to say,
after going through one major surgery, another one scares me, particularly since "complete" recovery and healing from the bypass surgery is around eight weeks. Getting hit by two trucks in six weeks is not pleasant.
I imagine I will have to go through more scans and tests before that.
Hospitals are not happy places. They are full of sick people and their loved ones....all with resigned looks on their faces. I see a lot of fear, pain, despair and depression on the faces of the sick. Not all, but most. It is sad. Many, like me, thought everything was OK just days or weeks ago. Others have been enduring pain and illness for a very long time. I saw a young boy in a wheelchair, head nearly bald, slumped over and very sad. He was around eight years old. I sensed he was a wounded veteran of some personal war he had never declared. Beset by some enemy he didn't know and most certainly didn't know why. But it was part of his life. Maybe he never knew differently.
One of my favorite things is to walk the "estate", as we call it. We have a big yard that is shaded by trees, nearly 95 at last count. We are well into spring as evidenced by the browning hills beyond the back fence.
All the trees are fully leafed. The beds of star-jasmine are flowering and perfuming the air. The potted geraniums and other flowers are in full bloom. There are scents of anise on the wind. It has been warm.
As I round a corner into the backyard I can look out over the Whittier Hills....a patchwork of colors from the
oaks, peppertrees, eucalyptus, and the wild grasses, green and brown. The once-denuded slope immediately behind us is now, at first glance, a bold slash of purest yellow. Wild mustard covers the slope, somewhat to my dismay. I had thrown poppy and lupine seeds over that slope in late winter. Some of the lupine took root, but the poppies were everywhere. I wanted to surprise the hikers who walk the trail above the slope as well as all who delight in wildflowers. I cannot get back there in my present condition, but I fear the mustard has overshadowed the poppies. I'll have to check later in the year.
Butterflies sail through the air, the tiger swallowtail being my favorite. I have noted that there are four very healthy lizards that have staked out territories. I think they recognize me....honestly. Lesser lizards dart about and are chased by the big boys. Why do lizards do pushups?
That's enough for tonight.
Steve
I last wrote May 1st, which seems like yesterday as I sit here and compose this newest blog (or is it "message"). Anyway, I felt great for much of Monday. In the afternoon I began the "prep" for Tuesday's "DBE" (double baloon endoscopy). The "prep" consists solely of complete fasting and the consumption of the foulest potion devised legally by the medical establishment. Trade named "MoviPrep", the dissolved salts and powders are designed to clean out the intestinal tract so that the doctors can observe the inner environs of one's bowels. I was required to drink one gallon of the stuff 8 oz. at a time in fifteen to twenty minute intervals. This probably doesn't sound bad to the uninitiated, but after the fifth cup I was gagging at the THOUGHT of drinking the next round. There is no way to cheat. On top of the MoviPrep, I was required to drink an additional quart of plain water to facilitate the desired "action", which began about midway through the session. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say it is uncontrollable. It is an unpleasant experience overall and I found myself very tired and wanting to curl up into a ball. I think some of the residual anesthetic from the operation kicked in as well and contributed to my exhaustion and "down" feeling. I am told that the anesthetic can take as long as six weeks to be purged from the body.
I was not allowed to drink water after that midnight. The sounds emanating from my stomach that night should have been recorded. I imagined the poor souls in hell could not have bettered the groans and moans I heard coming from my interior regions. With some editing, that recording could have been a bestseller as a Halloween party soundtrack.....imagine... scaring little kids as they came up to the darkened porch.
I looked forward to Tuesday morning with a good bit of trepidation. It had been only 18 days since my bypass surgery and did the people at Cedars really understand that? I kept noting the fact to one-and-all as I registered and proceeded to the "Prep Room". All they had to say was "Really?You look great"...which was kind of frustrating because I secretly hoped that someone would say..."Oh, there is some mistake here!"
The Prep-Room was a beehive of activity with nurses and aids seeming to compete for the patients. One came up and introduced himself as my nurse.....Achilles was his name...I asked him if he had ever been to Paris....he didn't get it. I never saw him again, as was the same for two other nurses who came up earnestly and introduced themselves. Patients were constantly being wheeled out of the room on beds. I don't know why, but I conjured this image of the demanding maws of 16" battleship guns being fed by ramming patients into their breeches as cannon fodder for the rooms down the hall.
I finally met the Doctor and the Anesthesiologist and discussed the procedure. In short order I was wheeled down the hall and transferred to the procedure bed where I was positioned to facilitate the doctor's access to my back end. The next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room. The Anesthesiologist never let me know he was introducing the juice into my vein. Though in a fog, I recognized Sue sitting next to the bed, on-guard as ever. What a saint. To make a long story short I recovered my senses enough to finally go home after eight hours. I was exhausted, my throat and nose hurt from the various hoses that had been inserted through them, and my rear end was very sore.
A "Double-Baloon Endoscopy" utilizes a device designed to probe deep into the intestinal tract. There are two "baloons", one at the front and one in the rear, that help to expand the intestine so that the scope can be pushed further and further as the thing is worked deeper into the tract. The goal of this procedure was to locate the tumor in my abdomen, take a biopsy, and "mark" it for future identification by a surgeon.
Unfortunately, this goal was not achieved because the device could not be pushed beyond a certain point. The Doctor felt the inelasticity of the intestine was due to the tumor gripping the outside wall and securing it to the mesentery. In essence he had reached a dead-end. All he could do is mark that point for future reference by the surgeon. The good news is he did not find any evidence of other tumors or polyps in the stretch he examined. We were disappointed that the goal of the procedure could not be achieved.
The next step is scheduling surgery. That could come as early as the last week in May. Needless to say,
after going through one major surgery, another one scares me, particularly since "complete" recovery and healing from the bypass surgery is around eight weeks. Getting hit by two trucks in six weeks is not pleasant.
I imagine I will have to go through more scans and tests before that.
Hospitals are not happy places. They are full of sick people and their loved ones....all with resigned looks on their faces. I see a lot of fear, pain, despair and depression on the faces of the sick. Not all, but most. It is sad. Many, like me, thought everything was OK just days or weeks ago. Others have been enduring pain and illness for a very long time. I saw a young boy in a wheelchair, head nearly bald, slumped over and very sad. He was around eight years old. I sensed he was a wounded veteran of some personal war he had never declared. Beset by some enemy he didn't know and most certainly didn't know why. But it was part of his life. Maybe he never knew differently.
One of my favorite things is to walk the "estate", as we call it. We have a big yard that is shaded by trees, nearly 95 at last count. We are well into spring as evidenced by the browning hills beyond the back fence.
All the trees are fully leafed. The beds of star-jasmine are flowering and perfuming the air. The potted geraniums and other flowers are in full bloom. There are scents of anise on the wind. It has been warm.
As I round a corner into the backyard I can look out over the Whittier Hills....a patchwork of colors from the
oaks, peppertrees, eucalyptus, and the wild grasses, green and brown. The once-denuded slope immediately behind us is now, at first glance, a bold slash of purest yellow. Wild mustard covers the slope, somewhat to my dismay. I had thrown poppy and lupine seeds over that slope in late winter. Some of the lupine took root, but the poppies were everywhere. I wanted to surprise the hikers who walk the trail above the slope as well as all who delight in wildflowers. I cannot get back there in my present condition, but I fear the mustard has overshadowed the poppies. I'll have to check later in the year.
Butterflies sail through the air, the tiger swallowtail being my favorite. I have noted that there are four very healthy lizards that have staked out territories. I think they recognize me....honestly. Lesser lizards dart about and are chased by the big boys. Why do lizards do pushups?
That's enough for tonight.
Steve
Sunday, May 1, 2011
A Life Unfolds and a Path is Created....
Dear All,
I recognize that the life and relevance of a blog depends on the loving care of the "blogger". I feel too many days have passed since my last entry and the last thing I want is to have this literary effort wither away for lack of interest. Frankly, this healing business demands an inordinate amount of self-focus and a concerted effort to keep one's chin up. The horizon of daily life is not distant at all. It is the next 30 minutes. It is planning and taking a walk around the "estate", or taking a nap, or doing breathing exercises, or worrying about water retention. So sitting down and putting my thoughts on this blog is often put back in priority with the good intention of getting to it "later".
I don't remember when I have had this many consecutive hours uninterrupted by other's needs and demands. As a consequence I have had some chance to address the direction of my life. I have no dramatic pronouncements. But a good friend described how life is not predictable and as one's life unfolds and a familiar pathway is closed off or deadends another path is opened or created and our life proceeds in response to new opportunities.
Steve
I recognize that the life and relevance of a blog depends on the loving care of the "blogger". I feel too many days have passed since my last entry and the last thing I want is to have this literary effort wither away for lack of interest. Frankly, this healing business demands an inordinate amount of self-focus and a concerted effort to keep one's chin up. The horizon of daily life is not distant at all. It is the next 30 minutes. It is planning and taking a walk around the "estate", or taking a nap, or doing breathing exercises, or worrying about water retention. So sitting down and putting my thoughts on this blog is often put back in priority with the good intention of getting to it "later".
I don't remember when I have had this many consecutive hours uninterrupted by other's needs and demands. As a consequence I have had some chance to address the direction of my life. I have no dramatic pronouncements. But a good friend described how life is not predictable and as one's life unfolds and a familiar pathway is closed off or deadends another path is opened or created and our life proceeds in response to new opportunities.
Steve
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)