Coming to Terms...."What's next?"...continued

As I write this, I am listening to an aria from the opera "Die Tote Stadt". I never tire of it. It often brings tears to my eyes. It is called "Marietta's Lied"....a duet sung by a soprano and a tenor that is hauntingly beautiful and very listenable for those intimidated by opera. You can find it on YouTube, sung by a number of artists.
For those unfamiliar with German, the translation is "The Dead City" or "The City of the Dead"...
I found music wonderfully therapeutic over these last nine weeks. I have spent hours wandering the "Cyber-Aisles" of Apple's iTunes store hunting for lieder, arias, adagios, sonatas, symphonies, concertos and movements that appealed to me. I often gaze out of the window overlooking our backyard while listening to my music and realize that I rarely see the yard at its most beautiful during the early and mid-hours of the day. We take our reality with us wherever we go, somehow thinking it is all before us and that is all there is. The few hours I enjoyed the yard in the past seemed the only time it existed, when, in reality, it was always there and always beautiful. Isn't there some expression about slowing down and "smelling the roses"?

I think my physical healing is almost complete...certainly, if the heart surgery had been the extent of my experience, I would be "recovered". For the last nine weeks my life has been defined by surgical procedure and recovery. But what is recovery? "Recovery" also means coming back from a state that might be
characterised as exile and embracing some semblance of one's previous life. Believe me....one's life is forever impacted and changed by what I have come through. This is part of  "coming to terms", I think. One simply cannot go forward as that same pre-surgery person. There are the physical scars from incisions, and then there are the psychological and spiritual "scars" that set one apart from all others who have not suffered through the same battles. I am fortunate in one respect ......I do not have to face prolonged treatment or fear the return of the type of tumor found in my body. That is the indication to date, anyway.

I still can't tell you "what's next". And I still haven't covered the whole of "coming to terms".....

That will come later....I need to gather my thoughts and fathom my emotions.....and maybe cry a little.


Stephen