Apparently people are actually reading what I write. Several blogs ago I mentioned the New Moon was overhead that night (Wednesday, 15th) and I would go out and take a look and "remember". The night sky was overcast, unfortunately, but the moon was up there somewhere. I think I could detect a faint glow through the clouds. However, the point is that a reader mentioned that blog and the reference to the New Moon at the end of it. I think that reader may have gone out to look at that moon. I didn't ask, but I was touched deeply by the support and the fact that my thoughts meant something to another.
But something else took root in those kind words. It has to do with "coming to terms" with all that I have experienced in the last eight or nine weeks. I am tempted to call it a type of PTS, or Post Traumatic Stress.
A wave of emotion swept over me that evening when I looked at the scars and still-healing incisions that stretch across my chest and stomach and tears came to my eyes...... I cried.
I cried for myself, my body, and for all those who have loved and stood by me these past weeks. I have cried many times over the last several days. I really can't control the emotions that bring the tears. There is no use in that. A memory, a song, an aria, or just a few minutes of solitude will bring the tears. Writing about this brings tears to my eyes. So maybe I am coming to terms with the trials I have endured. It is all good. There is no shame in it. It is purifying. I am human and I can cry.
As I write this I am listening to one of Richard Strauss' lieders sung by Lucia Popp....a soprano who fell to brain cancer in the prime of her career. You can listen to it on YouTube...."Im Abendrot" (In the Sunset).
It is beautiful. Listen to it and let it carry you away. She's no Britney Spears I'll have you know.
I have been reminded of the "Phoenix".....the mythical bird that arises from the ashes of its own immolation.
I think this belongs to the "What's Next?" blog. Look forward to that one. LOL
Stephen
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