"It Feels Good to Feel Good..."

I think readers may wonder how I am doing physically and emotionally. I am constantly asked "How do you feel?" or "Do you feel better than you did before surgery?" by family, friends and aquiaintances. Some people ask the question gingerly, fearing the question may be too personal or the answer may be less than positive.
I can see it in their face and posture, but I understand. My answer is straightforward. Some venture further with the subject, others are easily satisfied and switch to more pressing issues. There are a few who have gone through the same gauntlet as I.....and then a more personal and deeper discussion ensues. There is a mutual recognition of that bond that exists with the other. Of course, I have the distinction of having passed through two gauntlets so I have more possibilities to "bond" than most others...too bad it isn't like poker where I can raise the stakes in the game of conversation.

One early morning, just days ago, I was walking with Sue through the streets of Carmel.... up the hills, down the hills; block after block in that charming town. I turned to her and said thoughtfully...."It feels good to feel good!"

If one counts the "miles" walked and cycled in re-hab sessions and adds the actual miles I walk out of re-hab then it isn't unusual for me to have walked six or seven miles by the end of that day. I have also started lifting
weights to restore lost muscle tone. It is all invigorating, and I now recognize that I am feeling physically better than I did prior to heart surgery. The incision is healed completely, but I still feel tingles and pressures around the scar as the internal healing continues.

My heart surgery looms larger in my mind and day-to-day activities than the cancer surgery. In fact, the cancer surgery has receded so far into my everyday thinking that I was surprised when I thought of myself as a cancer survivor. It simply hadn't occured to me to think of myself in that way. When I asked Sue if she thought of me as a cancer survivor, a flash of emotion crossed her face and she answered "yes". So I guess I am a cancer survivor. Of course, if I had to undergo some regimen of treatment, as so many others do, I would have that as a stark reminder of the of the condition.

I am fortunate.

I saw a whole new crop of cardio-rehab rookies Friday morning. It was touching to see the expressions on some of their faces....wariness, confusion, hesitency...as they took in the room full of treadmills and exercise equipment. While I sat cooling down from an exercycle session, I observed one of the new recruits, a woman in her late fifties or early sixties, being introduced to the treadmill. There was a mask of utter fear on her face. As it was, the treadmill was set to something like a quarter mile per hour and it took all the concentration she could muster to keep up. She was not enjoying the experience. I'll see if I can ease her fears when I see her next.

I am always surprised to see a woman's heart surgery scar; the "brand" as I call the dark pink incision down the breastbone. It mars her body and perhaps her pysche. My brand is almost hidden by the chesthair that has grown back. Lucky me.

It Feels Good to Feel Good...

SRH